Connection Series Part 2: Connection to Self
Today continues our Connection series with our second installment: Connection to Self. We’ll attempt to avoid the philosophical discussion around what the self is as much as possible and instead focus on the practical implications of what it is and what it means to connect to ourselves. We’ll end with some food for thought and a few tools you can use to explore connecting to yourself.
There is much philosophical debate around what we call the Self. The self is defined as, “a person’s essential being that distinguishes them from others, especially considered as the object of introspection or reflexive action.”. Reflexive action refers to words we use in reference to ourselves (I, me, myself, etc.). Introspection is, “the examination or observation of one’s own mental and emotional processes.”. Essentially, the self is our concept of our individuality and the impact that our individuality and actions have, as well as our ability to simply observe all that is happening. In many ways, our Self, and our sense of it, is a two way street: it is an observer and also a creator. We are able to imagine taking actions, determine whether or not we want to take said actions, take said actions, and observe ourselves undergoing this process throughout the entirety of it.
The Self is the bedrock of our individuality. As an entity, our Self contains our character structure, our personal defense mechanisms, our conscious mind, and our unconscious mind. Within this, we have the ingredients that make up an individual, but what exactly is an individual? What does it mean to be an individual? For starters, you are a human. The human body is a tremendous and fascinating organism that we still, all things considered, understand very little about. I typically argue that it is not just a structure, but indeed a superstructure, capable of more than we could ever comprehend. Every human body, though, is entirely unique from another once we move past the basics. Everyone’s bone structure, limb lengths and proportions, appearance, voice, hair, eyes, fingerprints, feet, are all completely unique in that no human has ever had the exact same of any of these. Your own unique human physiology is the only one of its kind that has and will ever exist. The same is true of your personality traits. Your behaviors, thoughts, ideas, defense mechanisms, may be reminiscent of somebody else, but they are never one in the same. You are the only one of you that ever could or ever will exist. That is what it means to be an individual: Nobody else can ever do or be exactly the way you can.
The Self is built up of your character structure, defense mechanisms, conscious and unconscious mind. All of those acting and working together creates your individuality, however, connecting to ourselves requires an understanding and connection to each of these elements of ourselves. Character structure is the way in which you interface with the world and with other humans. Defense mechanisms are unconscious psychological operations that are designed to protect you. The conscious mind involves all the things you are currently aware of and are thinking about. The unconscious mind is the operations of your mind that take place below the level of your conscious mind. Think of it like an Iceberg with the conscious mind at the top, above the water, and the unconscious mind is everything below the surface. The unconscious mind is actually responsible for a vast majority of our thoughts and behaviors, and we are unaware of much of what is happening in our unconscious mind to create these thoughts and behaviors.
Many people spend their lives engaging in behaviors and thought patterns with no understanding of where they came from or why they are the way they are. Our social programming and our environment have a tremendous impact on our unconscious mind, and many of us today feel or have felt a disconnection from who we are in the present moment relative to who we feel we truly are or want to be. Essentially, our conscious minds are filled with erroneous and superfluous thoughts. Our true, individual, and unique expressions of self are repressed, and it creates a host of negative and unhealthy defense mechanisms that we both don’t understand and use against those around us.
Look at our social, political, or economical landscape today. A deeper look into any of these areas of society shows us any and all unhealthy defense mechanisms, usually in their least flattering form. It has to do with our disconnection from ourselves. As I said last week, we are nature. Connecting to nature reminds us that we all come from the same place, that we all share the same Earth, and it helps connect us back to ourselves. As we’ve seen today, however, we are complicated. Very, very, complicated. We begin to reconnect to ourselves by looking outwards and are reminded that what is outside of us is also inside of us, but the reciprocal side of that is then looking inwards to see what reflects externally. What we see around us, the way we treat those around us, the way we interact with the world around us, is a reflection of what is inside of us.
Here are some tools you can experiment with to foster a greater understanding and subsequent connection with yourself:
Create a Self-Narrative spanning 3-5 year time blocks, starting from when you were born, containing a few bullet points of what you remember most from those time blocks in your life. This helps to create a story of your life and an understanding and appreciation of how you got to where you are, as well as giving insight into patterns of the unconscious mind you may not have been aware of (you may see cycles happening again and again that you were unaware of, prompting the thought exercise of “Why?”)
If possible, allow 5-10 minutes (or more) of time each day to “Brain Dump” into a journal of some sort. This allows you to see in tangible, written words what is currently coming up from the unconscious mind for further exploration and understanding
Fostering a daily meditation practice (again, only about 5-10 minutes) allows you to sit and be present with what the unconscious mind is currently saying. There are tons of meditations on YouTube, Apple Music, Spotify, etc. as well as apps like Calm or Waking Up you can use
Set up spaces and times in which you can express yourself freely. This could be a form of art, music, dance, or any other form of creative expression that feels true to you. Understanding and connecting to our uniqueness and individual powers helps us further connect to ourselves
Once again, I would like to leave you with a simple question:
Do you know who you are? Do you really, truly, feel connected to who you are?
With all my heart and precious time,
Noah
